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Imagebsavage
Feb 28, 2011 8:47 PM CST
Name: Brenda
Dolores, Colorado
I am a scrapbooker. My husband loves our scrapbooks. I have not wanted to scrapbook since we got married, in 2007. We have volumes of scrapbooks from the earlier years. I've often said that it was a good thing that we were together for five years before getting married, because we had already been through many ups and downs. Because right after we got married, the financial shit hit the fan. And everything that we had built up through those five years started to crumble.
The economy collapsed, our businesses, new contruction and real estate, were devestated. Ultimately, in our first year married, we had to walk away from our home (and our gardens, and our ponds), sell dozens of motorcycles, objects, furnishings, guns, say goodbye to friends, move to another state, start over, let go.

So, that is not so much fun to scrapbook. Yet my husband wishes for me to continue. So, I have to go back, and re-live 2008 - today. I have been doing that for the past two days, and I haven't even gotten into the 'great dig', when I had my gardening friends over to dig up anything they wanted out of our gardens, and the giving all of the fish away to koi rescue.

Today, we are precariously happy in our new life, and finding things to be happy about everyday. I say 'precariously' because we still don't know what will happen with our home here... there is still a second mortgage balloon payment looming that we don't know if we'll be able to pay off. The simplest things make us happy, having good jobs, the beauty of nature that surrounds us, new friends, a simpler life. (Thank you God!).

Nonetheless, it is hard and sad to re-live in scrapbook form everything that we have been through. Yet, I feel our story should be told, for us as well as for our future generations. I am sad today, though I find there were many happy times through all the stress. I am sad that today my husband had to sell his beautiful watch so that we could afford to continue to move forward. In fact, he has had to sell many, many things to allow us to continue to move on. Things, yes. But things that he had built, or earned, and quite honestly, earning things has value, so doesn't giving up things that you have earned have value as well? It's hard. It's damn difficult.

So as much as I am completely a glass half full kind of girl, and as much as I am so proud of Tony and I for moving forward with dignity and grace, and as much as I totally and completely love our new life here... at this moment I am a bit sad. I suppose mourning the loss of what you have earned and accomplished isn't as studied as mourning the loss of most other things. They are just things. Things that you earned, that you built, that you grew. Lives that you were the employer for. Just things. Sad

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