Viewing post #587045 by Sharon

You are viewing a single post made by Sharon in the thread called Learning to give and accept Constructive Criticism.
ImageSharon
Mar 14, 2011 1:49 PM CST
Name: Sharon
Kentucky
Lee Anne...Ahhh! I was left holding my breath.

OK: critique...

You have set the scene, two locations, one unknown, one perhaps the girl's home.
You have two characters, a sleek detective, a girly girl.
You have set this to be a mystery, with the description of her hideaway, the fact that she didn't show for work, the furtiveness of the detective.

So, with your descriptive words you've set the tone of the story and you've slightly fleshed out the characters. At this point we know more about Mr. P. Rick than we do about the young woman. And you've added a touch of humor to the detective character with his name!

We know the weather, we know something of the location of the house, and we don't know where the girl is in relation to anything else.

So far, so good. Perhaps Toni might view it differently, but at the moment I'd say just keep on writing. For the sake of continuity, you could go back into your original post and continue to add to it as the edit option allows. That would keep it all together so we could read it more easily.

It's becoming an intriguing story...keep right on writing and we'll see where it leads.

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